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I remember several compliments that are personally meaningful for me, whether they were a wink or a nod from picky conductors, or a bow of acknowledgement from star performers or famous individuals.
But other than playing for my own mother, a special one for me was from a situation similar to David’s hospice story.
I had just started playing Bach-Guonod’s “Ave Maria” on the cancer floor at Duke hospital when a woman came running down the hallway with tears in her eyes and asked me to come to her husband’s room. Apparently he had just been told that his pancreatic cancer had advanced too quickly for the treatment and that he had very little time left to live. At that moment I began to play the “Ave Maria” and it gave him a great deal of comfort and peace. It was a memorable moment, I knew I was at the right place at the right time to humbly offer the gift of music. Not long afterward I was contacted by the wife and asked to play at the funeral. It was a beautiful service that was overflowing with guests out the door of the church.
Apparently he was very loved in the community and a friend and neighbor of Coach K at Duke.
For all the times we feel our playing is not acknowledged or appreciated, there are times when our music touches a soul or many souls at a time when it is most needed, and that is worth more than any words can say. : )
North Carolina’s coast has taken the initial blow of Irene with up to 85mph winds and an expected 3-4 foot water surge in Elizabeth City and other areas over the next 24 hours. Our cable was knocked out until noon today in my area and so we are only now seeing the images of the impact on the coastal areas from the news channels.
New Bern and Morehead City have had pretty serious impact, I think the flooding is the biggest fear now.
It is heading out of North Carolina toward Norfolk Virginia and Washington D.C. then out to sea before heading towards NJ and NYC. I see on the news they have been evacuating lower Manhattan and the most vulnerable areas.
We feel blessed and lucky being so far inland, for us it has only been wind and rain, but I worry for the rest of the eastern coast because this storm is so huge.
It is not that Irene is so powerful as Katrina was, but the bands of wind and rain are far reaching and 24 hours of rain is a lot of water! I would love to hear from other harpists along the course of Irene to hear how you all are weathering the storm.Well, the last I heard “Irene” was going to hit us here in North Carolina on Saturday.
It looks like it is going to come in a little farther west than originally estimated.
This puts it on a slightly more northwest trajectory coming farther inland.
It is tough for the coastal areas, they are already evacuating the outer banks.
We are lucky that we are more inland in Raleigh, but people here still talk about “Fran” and not to underestimate the potential damage of the winds and flooding, especially if the storm stalls a while.
I am sure your local weather people will give an “hour by hour” guesstimate of the hurricane’s effect in your area.
You will probably be fine for your Saturday wedding in Philly, but who knows exactly what course a hurricane will take!Most universities have emergency weather plans that are activated when severe weather is imminent.
We have been getting emails at Duke for 3 days now and I am sure there are notices on your university web-site as to their plan.
Check ahead of time where your harp will be stored and if it is on higher ground in a building that is out of a flood plain.
It is always wise to prepare for the worst and hope for the best!Oh Kay you are such a ray of sunshine!
This is not a very pleasant subject but then neither is dealing with nasty and unbalanced people.
Unfortunately, SOME PEOPLE are nasty vipers and they love creating drama for others.
And as Carl put it, some narcissistic people can’t help but be any other way.
It is sad for the rest of us who have to deal with their unhealthy and toxic behavior but it is better to aware of it than fall victim to them.
I am lucky, most of the time I work with wonderful people and have good friends who are “normal” and pleasant and not interested in creating problems in other people’s lives. Life is too short and I am not interested in negativity with others.
I am far more interested in harmony especially with people who are interested in the same things I am.
After all there is nothing better than PLAYING BEAUTIFUL MUSIC and SHARING in the experience with others who also LOVE IT!
Carl,
Well I am not a specialist in personality disorders and mental illness and I don’t presume to know the “clinical definition” of narcissism.
But I know it when I see it and I know what I have experienced and have sought understanding from friends who are specialists in this area.
I agree you with you and your definition does make it clear when you look at it from an objective distance.
However when you are in the thick of it and trying to work harmoniously with a person who is so personally and professionally bizarre, it is hard to not be adversely affected.
When healthy boundaries and professional ethics are so brazenly disregarded then you are forced to make choices about how you will and will not be treated.
It is one thing when someone is so sick that they are delusional in their interactions with others and completely “unaware” of how their dysfunctional behavior affects others. I have also found this to be the case when dealing with people who are deep in an addiction and are clueless as to the damage they cause other people. Unfortunately this is especially upsetting when they don’t even know they should be trying to “make amends” to the people they have so recklessly injured. After all why should they bother, they are more “important” than you and they can get away with it, because no one wants to deal with them in a healthy way. It is perplexing and upsetting to never know what someone with these issues is going to do next.
To not get sucked into their “psyco-drama” and stay centered out of their dysfunction is the challenge for a healthy person.
When I have confronted a person like this and maintained my boundaries, ususally the narcissist gets hysterical, crying, and then blames me for being the problem. They usually do it in a public way so they can spin the scene to their advantage and say whatever they want to make you look like the bad person.
Normally I wouldn’t care that much in a friendship or relationship issue, you simply cut your losses and move on.
But when a person is trying to hurt you personally and professionally, well that is altogether different as it is pre-meditated and intentional. This is especially true if they are trying to ruin your reputation and/or set you up so they can get you fired.
I have found this to be “selective narcissism” and they only “‘turn it on” when they are around people they feel threatened by, or feel the need “to control others” because they are so “crazy insecure.”
Regardless of whether is is full blown “narcissism” or “narcissistic behavior” thrown in with a a potpourri of other “personality disorders” is beyond my expertise. But “SOME PEOPLE” will push the limits and you have to stop them and stand your ground or they will take great pleasure in “steamrolling you”.
They also twist everything around so they are never to blame for anything. Not anything
Carl you are absolutely right and I appreciate you being so succinct and honest in describing your very personal experience with a narcissist. What you and Christian so clearly described can only be understood once you have been abused by a narcissist and figure out their psychological manipulations and the web of pain they create in others. I find it incredible that these narcissists get away with it so much of the time and that people “buy into” their “persona” that they have so carefully crafted. The more independent and happy and successful you are the more “Crazy” it makes them; because they can’t control you and keep you down under their thumb where they feel you belong.
A psychiatrist friend of mine explained it to me once this way: “they are on a different axis than you, they thrive on chaos and upset, they cannot stand your calm energy”.
You threaten their reality by being who you are so they are compelled to throw you off your center by whatever means necessary.
Your very existence is an unbearable “threat” and so they diminish and demean you in any way possible.
Once they figure out what buttons to push to upset you they go for it every time!
My experience is that they are expertly skilled in the art of emotional abuse and cruelty.
They are also masterful at playing the “victim” and making you look like the bad person by calling them on their outrageous behavior.
This is especially aggregious when they involve religion in their sanctimonious and self-righteous behavior.
Narcissists have no boundaries and in maintaining your boundaries with them you are labeled as mean, pushy, or self-centered. In actuality, it is they who are mean, pushy, and of course self-centered, the very definition of narcissism.
This is especially upsetting in the workplace when you have to work with a narcissist.
If your career success is a threat to them on their “turf” then you are in for a major battle.
I have been astonished at the lengths this “one” individual will go to harass me and the number of other people she will involve in her game. It is emotional abuse, the hardest to prove and yet very real to the one suffering their slings and arrows. Anyone who has survived this kind of “sick master manipulator” is to be applauded and respected for their hard earned wisdom and emotional health and well being.
Healthy people do not hurt others to become successful, they achieve it by reaching for their own star, not blocking the light of someone else’s.
In fact, you never know what you can learn and achieve from someone else’s bright light shining around you in your own life!
This is an important discussion and I am interested in hearing more about other professional harpists’ string preferences with their harps. I completely disagree with Mr. Ross but he is entitled to his opinion on his string preferences with his harp and his performance needs.
I happen to agree with Emily and have had very similar experiences with breakage in the second octave and inconsistencies in quality and tone between “Bow Brands” and “Classics”.
I love my harp and its’ sound and the conductors I work with appreciate the quality of my sound and the range of color I can achieve in my tone.
They also appreciate that I am reliable, consistent, and keep my instrument in great shape for their concerts and productions.
I change my strings ahead of time in anticipation of breakage for important performances paying close attention to trouble areas that get a lot of playing.
I recall the last two Decembers shedding second octave strings in the pit during Nutcracker runs and at concerts when I was playing a very heavy holiday schedule.
It would not be unusual for me to play 4 “Nutcrackers”, a Britten “Ceremony of Carols” and a recorded Christmas concert at Duke Chapel all in one weekend.
This would require several moves of the harp in various weather conditions and I would have to sit down, tune and pray that the strings would hold.
This was not a problem when I had the “Classics” because I could usually tell when the string was going to go and change it before the concert or during intermission. A few seasons ago I had a 5th octave E go 2 minutes to curtain before the opening of “Madame Butterfly”. The string popped like a gunshot and everyone in the pit froze in fear. I flew into action grabbing my string back yanking out a replacement, knotting it and stringing it and tuning it up in 1 minute and 15 seconds. I know because one of my colleagues was timing me and told me afterwards. By the time the A sounded my E string was in place and holding. I tweaked it quietly throughout the performance to make sure because the last thing I wanted was to hit a sour note in that beautiful Puccini harp part. The string was fine and held well throughout the run without a problem.
Another time I was playing the “Debussy Danses” at the university and had three 2nd octave D’s break in one week.
Clearly I had a bad batch of Bow Brands. The third break was at the dress rehearsal and I asked one of my students to run to my office and grab the studio strings and bring them to me. I strung up the Classic D continued the dress rehearsal and it held beautifully at the concert the next night. That D is a very important note in that piece and I was glad the string held so well. I also remember string breakage being of concern when I played “Lucia” and our pit was FREEZING cold in rehearsals. On opening night they finally turned the heat on and it was a drastic temperature change. My classics held without a problem and that is a cadenza you do not want to have to worry about a 2nd octave string breaking!
As a professional harpist I know what strings work well with my harp and my style of playing and give me the best sound and I like to use the best.
This is one of the reasons why I preferred the classics, I could rely on it for tone quality and it held pitch very quickly. The second octaves also were thicker and gave me more resistance in my articulation and I could achieve the tone I wanted without worry. A a working professional harpist I expect the best quality strings available to me in maintaining my instrument so that is performs at it’s maximum ability and gives me the finest sound possible. There is nothing wrong with asking a company for the best quality it can give you.
Excellence and customer satisfaction should be the most important value a company holds, a great reputation for a great product assures profit margin.
Why would you settle for less when you’ve had the best?
David,
I can so relate to your stories, it is absolutely amazing how rude and outrageous some people are. I am more patient with children because I have several and have a “mother’s mind” advantage in dealing with them. I have found asking them to be the “personal bodyguards” of the instrument to be a very successful way to engage them to be protective of my harp.
As a reward I always let them pluck a string or zip a gliss if their hands are clean and their parent is with them.
However, I also tell other “strange” or “annoying” people the same line about my insurance policy not allowing me to let them play my harp, this also works for people who insist on trying to help me move it when I don’t want or need their help.
I further explain that if they get injured I won’t be able to pay for their hospitalization and that always stops them dead in their tracks.
Regarding holding your ground and sticking to your professional ethics when dealing with others who are unethical, well I could write a book about that.
I have dug a trench holding my ground and suffered whiplash from turning my cheek so many times that I sometimes feel like a “bobble-head”, and this from supposed “christian-minded individuals”.
I’ve been dizzy from the altitude from taking the “higher ground” with unbelievably manipulative individuals and yet…
“I’m still standing better than I ever did…”
You are right to stay true to your values and handle yourself with poise and grace, but I also applaud your “pluck” and encourage you to maintain your boundaries with the “sociopaths” and the “prima-donnas”.
Please keep the stories coming David, you are a breath of fresh air and comic relief with your hilarious recounts of the ridiculous circumstances of professional harpists.
Thanks for sharing, you are a real gem on this forum!
Emily,
Thank you for posting your frustrations about Bow Brand strings, I thought I was the only one.
I too am out of my Classics and have been miserable with the sound of the Bow Brand’s especially in the 2nd and 3rd octaves. Not only did it take FOREVER to get them to stay in tune but their sound is absolutely “pingy and ugly”.
Several were false and I have had to change them a few times especially in the 2nd octave.
I have a great harp with a beautiful sound, I miss the sound it gave me when it was strung with the Classics.
These strings feel thin when I pluck them with an absence of core tone. I feel like I am playing on “spaghetti strings”.
It took my 5th octaves a good 4-6 weeks to hold pitch for any reliable period of time.
I found myself constantly tuning during lessons and at gigs and it wasn’t just “the weather.”
This has been very frustrating as I have not felt I could rely on the strings holding pitch in performances.
I can’t afford another $500.00 for strings right now, I am stuck with them and very disappointed with these “spaghetti strings”.
There are so many great recordings listed here, a great reference for everyone.
I have a few favorites, especially Chalifoux’s “Debussy Danses” with Boulez.
However, I remember Heidi’s recording, I practically wore out the album at the conservatory library.
I never heard anyone play Ballade that fast and so strong and clean too!
I mention her virtuosic playing and this album to my college students all the time.
She was quite the prodigy and from what I understand the harp was always so easy for her, like breathing for the rest of us.
I saw her perform live several times, she had terrific charisma with all that talent and beauty too. Her “Scintillation” was breathtaking.
Her playing was beyond impressive, it was powerfully brilliant.
If ever there was a harp goddess it was Heidi.
Hi Laura,
Contact me by email laurasbyrneharpist@yahoo.com, I’d be delighted to talk with you about harp lessons. The Salzedo method is my specialty!
I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Best regards,
Laura Byrne
What wonderful pictures thanks for sharing these with everyone!
Who says music doesn’t “soothe the savage beast”!
That is what I love about animals, they tell is like it is.
For all the staging to create the perfect shot, the truth is in the feeling towards the harpist and the music she creates.
That’s amore!
What a wonderful post!
My dogs Sugar and Spike are a constant source of inspiration and amusement and frequently stay in my studio with me when I practice. Sugar my golden mutt likes to stay near me in the room but doesn’t interfere with my practice except for rolling around on her back with the occasional groan of boredom.
On the other hand, Spike my lab mutt will lay in between the harp and my feet and refuse to move until I give him the affection he wants.
I call it the puppy practice tax.
I don’t mind though, he is so loyal and adorable I can never say no.
My pets have frequently brought me back to reality when I am chained to the bench under a practice deadline.
Although I try to lock them both up when I teach, they occasionally escape and come bounding down the stairs to say howdy to my students.
It is always comic fun for everyone because they are so sweet and friendly.
Pets are such a joy, where would we be without them! : )
Sabra,
You need to look on this forum at the thread “Improper Behavior of a Harpist” regarding predatory pricing and undercutting established rates of other professional harpists.
Although we all have to make decisions regarding rates for gigs in this economy, I believe you should stand your ground as to what you will charge for your work and hold to that line.
If your rate is fair and other professional harpists are charging the same then refuse to refer work to them and be manipulated by their “low-ball” tactics.
To do otherwise is insulting to every professional harpist in your community who does depend on gigs for their living!
