Hi Angela, Before I read your last post I was going to say – take a break, already! There’s nothing wrong with that. Maybe with some time away you’ll discover what you really love about the harp (or not). Distance can make the heart grow fonder and all that. You aren’t your harp, you’re much more than that.
Anyway if/when you do come back to it, here is something that has helped me.
Have you thought about turning from performing to recording? I mess up a lot too in front of other people from stage fright, much more so on the harp than on other instruments and voice.
One day I used my brother’s old iPhone to record myself playing the harp. I was really surprised a) how good it sounded b) how little mistakes weren’t even really audible due to resonance c) how my friends and family enjoyed getting files of the recordings via dropbox etc. – and most of all d) how much I enjoyed being able to edit – that is, redo takes over and over again as much as I needed.
Recently I bought a higher-end but easy to use recording device – the H2 Zoom. I’m recording sacred Renaissance duets (singing not harping) with a friend of mine from choir who also suffers from stage fright. We love being able to erase ourselves and try again!
A famous and prodigiously talented musician here in Canada, Glenn Gould, HATED performing. He turned almost exclusively to recording later in his life. Some might say music is meant to be live and I can see that point. But I’m also person who likes an end product, something I can say I made. I’m no Glenn Gould, but with recordings you can give them away as presents to friends and family and share your music that way.
Lastly, Tacye’s post above really hit home for me. It’s true – mistakes on the harp can turn into a domino effect of stumbling because of placement etc. It’s like an intricately choreographed dance with your fingers. I think her observation will help me to be less hard on myself. Also, I’m wondering if experimenting with improvisation might help us to recover more quickly.
Anyway, I’ll shut up now! Enjoy spending time on other parts of yourself!