As I’m typing this, I can smell a trace of vomit on my arm. Not my own vomit, but one of my two children. They are sick, I’m short on sleep, have two concerts this weekend and a student recital in my home in a few days. I’m also in my third trimester of pregnancy.

Friends often ask how I manage to keep various musical projects on my plate while also being a full-time mom. My response is that I feel like I’m not managing at all. I sit in front of my agenda and wonder how I can fabricate time. There are continually more projects I’d like to tackle than are humanly possible. I feel like I’m never quite caught up or completely prepared for the next “harp thing.” But somehow things get done, projects get started and completed, gigs get played, rehearsals happen, and students have lessons.

I remember in college being surrounded by a sea of female music majors, many of them hoping to some day have children and enjoy the flexibility of a music career so that they could stay at home to care for their kids.

Now I laugh at this, seeing first-hand how overwhelming the reality of that situation is. A career in music already means that you’re not ever really “finished” at the end of the day, being able to put down your work for the weekend and not think about it until Monday. Musicians, like moms, don’t have weekends. A musician’s work is unending: repertoire, technique, students. For a mom, it’s constant care, laundry, meals, and hugs.

This topic sparked a little investigation on my part, and I spoke with several super harpists who are also super moms. The results of my conversations with various harpists are here in this article. It’s not an article about how to get your priorities in order. It’s not a pep talk on putting “family first.” And it’s not an inspirational article about how rewarding it is to put family relationships before anything else, and how you’ll never regret the decision. This is an article for those harpists in the trenches of motherhood, having made the choice to put their family in front of their career for a specific season or period of time, and what to do when you no longer find the hours needed to keep your profession above water, at least for the time being.

The family-career balancing act is not unique to the harp world. And it’s not unique to women. Any professional could find themselves in the same position: how do I manage both a career and family responsibilities? It could be a week of dealing with your children’s chicken pox. It could be months of caring for parents. And it could be a matter of taking several years “off” to raise children. If you’ve ever asked yourself “How am I ever going to keep a thread of a harp career going through this season?” then read on.

I have heard successful musician colleagues speak about their practice life, their balancing act, their juggling of music and family, saying, “I don’t have time. I make time.”  Here are six ways to make the time.

1. Gather your team

There’s a well-known African proverb that says, “It takes a village to raise a child.” It takes a village to do much of anything, if you ask me! We are hard-wired to be team players.

As I mentioned before, regardless of how many hours we spend with the harp, full-time parenthood is just that: full-time. Full-time as in every minute of every day. As in, this family member could not function without constant attention, and you are the best person for the job. Whether it be driving them from A to B, watching over them for safety, feeding them, meeting their basic needs, or loving them, parents maintain a massive and very important job.

Navigating family responsibilities can be a daunting task; we need a network around us to keep us afloat. This could include a spouse, sibling, other family member, friend, babysitter, church member, or neighbor. Surround yourself with as much support as possible.

Harpist Sara Chassé-Phillips is a 31-year-old mother of one from Bloomington, Ind. “Having my mom watch my son has been a lifesaver, not only for our finances, but peace of mind,” she says. “She is always there for me and puts my crazy schedule above her own. My husband, too, is there for when my mom can’t be.”

Adrienne Bridgewater, 63, of Scottsdale, Ariz., is a mother of two. She says her husband was a vital part of that village. After giving birth to her first child, she wanted to continue gigging regularly while also staying close to her baby to breastfeed. Her husband would accompany her to each gig, watching over the baby and signaling to Adrienne when it was time for a break for her to feed the baby.

“Alex and I had made a decision that we didn’t want to supplement breast feeding with formula while I was working. Since I hadn’t been able to express and freeze breast milk, Alex drove me to my job, and unloaded the harp while I nursed Max. He waited in the van while I played, and then loaded the harp when I was done. I think I even spent my break in the van with Alex and Max! Mothering children is a huge job, even if you are a stay-at-home mom without a career.,” she adds. “The issues are exponential when you factor in the aspects of a harp career!”

Bridgewater says there was also a lot of “tag team parenting as I pulled out of the driveway with the harp in the van, he pulled in coming home from his work. Thank God for cell phones!”

It’s not called “backup,” it’s called “village.”

2. Include your children

“I made a choice to be a musician rather than a lawyer so I could be there as much as possible for my children in their early years,” says Bethany Evans

Sometimes the village is closer than you think. Bethany Evans, 39, is a mother of two. The Salem, Ore., harpist agrees it’s impossible to hold a career and household together on your own.  “I am a single mom with two preschool age children and their sole support. I have a law degree and a bachelor’s and master’s in harp performance. I made a choice to be a musician rather than a lawyer so I could be there as much as possible for my children in their early years. I have been able to set my own hours and have my children with me most of the time. When new students call, I tell them that I have two small children who are here during lessons. Thankfully, I have been so blessed with most families. Many have other young children who come to play, too. Others have mothers who play with my children while the lesson is going on. I also have traded lessons for babysitting with students who could not afford the lessons otherwise and it has been wonderful to have a mother’s helper on these days.”

Evans has even started a support group for divorced moms with children. “These women became some of my best friends I could call on, and I have tried to do the same for them. They babysit for me during performances and are there if I just need to vent. It is so nice to have friends that really understand what you are going through and will help. Support is so necessary.”

Including my children is one way that I, too, keep on playing the harp. I have “worn” my babies in a wrap from the time they were born, and they are very used to napping and hanging out on my back or my side while I carry on with life. I remember playing several rehearsals with a sleeping kid on my back when I knew that I couldn’t find anyone to babysit. A baby wrap or carrier is not ideal for good posture at the harp, but it got me through some important rehearsals.

Another example of incorporating family into my music was embarking on a modest concert tour recently with my husband and two kids. This tour was something I had dreamed of doing for years, and finally the timing was right. The only way it was going to work, though, was to take my entire crew with me. With my gracious musical partner, we found a way to include my husband and kids into a three-week adventure in an RV. We made an effort to find an interesting outing in each town we stopped, combining a music tour with a family vacation.

Finding creative ways to include your children as part of your professional activity makes otherwise-impossible projects become feasible.

3. Don’t take on more than you can handle

“How will your absence for several nights in a row affect [your children’s’] routine? Is it worth the stress?” asks Katherine Denler.

Know your limits. If, make that when you become exhausted, run down, and short on time, resist resentment by limiting your professional activity.

Harpist Katherine Denler, a 29-year-old mother of one from Pekin, Ill., says that this can apply to types of gigs, work, and projects as well as caregiving duties. “I dislike constant and urgent emailing with brides, so I raised my rates to the highest in the area so I would get fewer weddings,” she says. “Knowing what your children need in terms of care can help you determine where to draw the line. How will your absence for several nights in a row affect their routine? Is it worth the stress?”

Setting boundaries takes trial and error with a giant dose of flexibility says harpist Julie Hewkin, a 27-year-old mother of one from Salt Lake City, Utah. “Family life constantly changes, so it is helpful to frequently test our limits after each change. A few months after my son was born, I developed tendinitis in my wrists from carrying him despite using a sling as much as possible. He was a very cuddly baby that enjoyed being in my arms. I took a hiatus from the harp to concentrate solely on healing myself and taking care of my newborn,” she says. “When the pain faded, as I adjusted to my new life, I discovered that I could still perform Celtic repertoire on my Celtic harp, because of the lower tension in those strings and the simpler nature of Celtic music. I decided to take on Celtic gigs only, and had discovered that accepting more than four per month caused too much exhaustion. During this time I was constantly analyzing how much time I needed for myself and how much my child needed, which helped me decide that if I wanted to keep my endurance up, I should only accept two gigs a month. Now that my child is a toddler, my current limits are much higher, and my boundaries for myself are lower. Sometimes the harp has to be forced into the background, but can be brought forward as our juggling schedules allow.”

Whether it be concentrating solely on your children or taking the time to care for yourself, make rules as to your time and availability. It may mean that evening gigs are off the table for a little while. Or maybe it means being completely unavailable on certain days of the week. Finding this balance helps you to stay focused and present.

“I’m not a natural-born multi-tasker, although as a mother with a career, I’ve had to develop some of that,” says Yolanda Kondonassis.

Yolanda Kondonassis, who maintains a busy solo and teaching career along with being the mother of one, finds this especially true. “I have always had a strong compartmentalizing function. My natural tendency is to be extremely focused, but on one thing at a time. I’m not a natural-born multi-tasker, although as a mother with a career, I’ve had to develop some of that,” she says. “I do try and be all about whatever I’m doing at a given time. That said, it really frustrates me when people are flitting around on their devices and seem semi-distracted most of the time. I don’t know how to do that. If I’m spending time with my daughter, she knows I’m totally focused on her. If I’m working, I try to create a situation where I can be centered on that, whether it means practicing after my daughter goes to bed or just creating sections in my life that facilitate some head space for whatever I’m trying to do, personal or otherwise.”

4. Network

Open and honest communication is essential when dealing with clients, colleagues, and students about your home/harp situation. If you know you may be flaky in upcoming months, communicate with those who are affected. Letting clients know ahead of time about your changing family responsibilities can give you the opportunity to organize backup options if needed. Don’t compromise your professionalism.

Boulder, Col., mother of two and harpist Margot Krimmel  can attest to this. “When my daughter was born 25 years ago, I was lucky to live in Denver. All the harpists knew each other, and we referred each other for weddings and such. Having a strong community to call upon was really helpful.” Krimmel advises mothers and especially future mothers to invest time in close relationships with their local harp community. “Volunteer for harp related events, show up at concerts, get involved, get to know your colleagues, and you’ll have a long list of emails at your fingertips.”

Jump at the chance to network with other harpists around you by passing along work their way. Allow them to sub for you. Perhaps the tables will be turned one day.

5. Work on a “hands off” project

A season of intense caregiving might mean that you literally cannot touch the harp, even to tune or play a scale. If you are feeling disconnected from playing music and thirst for that connection try to find a different way to advance your career than actually practicing and playing. It may be something you do for five minutes a day with the harp in mind but no instrument in hand.

I don’t know about you, but I can only take so many hours of practicing with panty hose woven through the harp strings so as not to wake sleeping children. When I was working to publish a book of arrangements a couple of years ago, I would maximize my kids’ nap times another way: music notation on the computer. I had all my transcriptions and arrangements ready to be entered into Finale, and once the house was quiet, I was found happily plugging away at my own pace.

Hands-off-harp projects can help you stay connected with your career without the all-in physical, emotional, and mental requirements of playing. You could update your website, read up on ways to use social media for your harp work, listen to all of those harp albums you’ve accumulated over the years, or explore newly released harp recordings, especially of pieces you’d like to learn next.

Harpist Brittany Snedecor from Orem, Utah, has her hands full with five kids, so hands-on time with the harp is hard to find. Unless she is preparing for a looming performance, her time at the harp is non-existent. What keeps her going is listening to music however she can, inspiring her “to learn next” list. “I also love to sing and harmonize to songs on the radio,” she says, “which gives me ideas for future harp arrangements.”

6. Know when to say “I can’t right now.”

What if all of the above is just not happening? What if, despite all creative efforts to balance an artistic career and demanding family duties, the harp is falling lower and lower on the ladder of priorities?

Remember that there’s a season for everything. There are seasons of glorious practicing time and copious concerts, ones in which we dig into etudes, restore ourselves, and strengthen our hands and fingers. This is part of that precious “closet-time” (my favorite!) of simply being alone and in contact with your instrument. And inevitably, there are seasons of winter, with less growth and fewer fruits.

Think of pruning. A gardener will give it to you plain and simple. Plants and trees may need to be pruned in order to flourish to their maximum potential. Trimming will yield stronger, deeper roots. A cutting back of beautiful, hard-earned branches is often necessary to the growth of the plant, although it may seem bogus and counterproductive to us.

What if this concept is true in our artistry? What if we took a “fruitless” season of cutting back as a time to let the pruning process affect us positively, for future growth and rejuvenation?

Consider legendary French harpist Elizabeth Fontan-Binoche—no one can argue she has enjoyed a world-class career at the harp. However, she allowed her harp career to be pruned. Her season of cutting back lasted 10 years, essentially not touching the harp while she raised her two children. She simply did not have the support system around her to make a career in harp work. After ten years, she went on to have a successful touring career, teaching position, orchestral job, and recording opportunities. Now at the age of 93, she continues to tour and teach. “Ten years goes by so quickly, and it’s not lost time” she says.

Motherhood and musicianship is a balancing act that takes courage, creativity, and an open mind. My hope in this season, for myself, is that I embrace the challenge head-on, knowing that I’m not alone, I’m not perfect, and my harp and I will be happy to meet whenever I make time for it.