Comparison: it’s something that all of us deal with at some point, especially as musicians. Whether you’re a student or a professional, a beginner or an advanced player, none of us are immune to it. 

Comparing ourselves to others is often considered to be negative and counterproductive—something we should never do.  I think of it more as a double-edged sword, as it can push us to improve. I don’t think it’s realistic to say that we should avoid or abstain from comparing ourselves to others. Instead, we can approach comparison with a healthier mindset that will allow us to better ourselves, focus on our goals, and learn from others. 

Whether we realize it or not, we’re often comparing someone else’s chapter 10 to our chapter one.

This is easier said than done. Last year, in the early months of the pandemic, I struggled with comparison. Without any live performances to prepare for, I had very little desire to practice or even touch the harp. At the same time, my social media feeds were inundated with new musical content from other harpists. Instead of feeling inspired by others, I allowed jealousy and feelings of inadequacy to stifle my motivation. I felt like there was no point in trying to be productive because I was so far behind everyone else.

After wallowing in this negative head space for many months, I came to learn that I needed to change my attitude towards comparison. Here are a few realizations I found helpful in conquering demoralizing thoughts and breaking the cycle of unhealthy comparison.

Remember that you never see the whole picture. 

This is true in real life, but particularly so in online spaces. People always put their best foot forward online, and you don’t see the messy parts. Before comparing your behind-the-scenes to another’s carefully curated image, remember that you don’t know their full story. If you did, you would likely realize that everyone is just as human as you are and has their own struggles and imperfections.

Don’t compare somebody else’s timeline to your own timeline. 

Everyone is at a different point in their musical journey. Whether we realize it or not, we’re often comparing someone else’s chapter 10 to our chapter one. We forget that this other person started at chapter one, too. Timelines don’t matter. What matters is the process and the commitment it takes to see the process through. You can’t compare your start to someone else’s 10-year process. People are usually only paying attention to someone once things work out—when they are getting results. You might look at someone and think, “Wow, they achieved this so quickly,” without recognizing how long it actually took them to get there. Be committed to the process. 

Create boundaries around social media. 

Many of us are spending a lot of time online these days, especially as we crave more connection with the outside world. Now, I love social media—I think it’s an incredible tool to build our brands, learn from other musicians, and connect with other harpists and potential clients. Unfortunately, social media also makes comparison more pervasive than ever. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve awakened and started scrolling through Instagram, looking at what other people are doing, before I’ve even gotten out of bed. If that’s how I’m starting the day, then of course I’m going to feel defeated before I’ve even begun. Try to do your own work before you consume other people’s content. Maybe this means knocking out a good practice session before you jump onto social media. Maybe this means keeping your phone on airplane mode, deleting a certain app, unfollowing accounts that make you feel inadequate, or imposing limits on screen time. It will look different for everyone; just figure out what is healthy and works best for you. You want to be in control of social media, not let it control you.

Learn to celebrate others. 

When you see someone accomplishing something amazing, cheer them on! Congratulate them! Use their achievements as proof that something can be done, to show you what’s possible. This type of thinking will encourage an abundance mindset instead of a scarcity mindset. An abundance mindset is seeing something positive in another’s life and thinking, “Wow, it’s so inspiring that they did that, and that thing is available to me, too.” In contrast, a scarcity mindset operates with the belief that there are finite resources to go around, only so much success available. It generates thoughts like, “If someone else has this thing, then there’s less of it available for me.” 

Practice gratitude daily. 

Gratitude is the antidote to envy and unhealthy comparison. Too often, comparison draws our attention to what we don’t have, and makes us lose sight of the great things we do have. Make it a habit to remind yourself of everything you’ve achieved and all the opportunities you’re thankful for. We have so much to be grateful for—support from teachers, family, other harpists, our own progress, and our ability to do what we love. It becomes too easy to overlook all of these gifts if we’re only focused on what we lack. 

One final thought: the best person to compare yourself to is you. How can you be a better harpist than you were yesterday? What is one small step you can take today to improve? Ultimately, becoming the best version of yourself is the only thing that really matters. We can accomplish so much more if we direct our energy towards our own progress. •