Dealing with disorganized organizers

[Angela Biggs]

I have had a similar problem two years in a row now. I spend **all** autumn working on one or more pieces of Christmas harp music, and someone on the other end changes everything up at the last moment so that most or all of my prepared music is unusable.

In both cases these were churches; last year the offending party was a pastor in my current hometown in NH (“I never plan our 90-minute multimedia stage presentation more than five days ahead of the service, because I want to give the Holy Spirit time to work”. . . don’t even get me started, this event takes place at the local Opera House with full-blown lighting and sound, and involves dozens of people on- and back-stage. . . ), and this year it was a Music Director of a Catholic church in my childhood hometown in Central NY.

This year’s situation is worse, because more music is involved — and also because, after last year’s experience, I made sure to meet with this Director in person four months ahead of time, then sent him three follow-up emails to two email addresses, all of which he blatantly ignored. I know he got them and chose not to respond, because when he finally got back to me yesterday (12/8; my first message to him was 8/26), he included my original emails!! His response outlined a completely different arrangement than what we had discussed and I had tried to get confirmed. Right now it looks like fully 75% of the work I’ve done is out the window, and frankly, I’m wondering if I should bother at all. My husband and I spent two hours crafting a response to this person last night. We’re waiting to hear back.

These are all volunteer endeavors on my part. I need the experience, and I’m absolutely 100% positive that I’m not taking a paying job from anyone else. The problem I’m having is that these experiences are SO HORRIBLE that I’m seriously considering taking a cue from Sherri and building a recording studio so that I never have to play in public again. All of the personal pleasure I take from the harp comes from learning, practicing, playing with it, and sharing it with other people anyway. I only perform publicly in formal situations because music is a performing art, and such is the natural end result of the process.

I guess I have a couple of questions:
1. How do you deal with these situations? I didn’t even think of getting a contract in the first instance; in this year’s debacle it would have been impossible.
2. I have performed in formal situations (wedding, church, recital) about a half-dozen times in the last year. Three of those are absolute horror stories, one of them is an eye-roller. Is this normal? Is playing the harp publicly supposed to be so ridiculously terrible, *all* of the time?

[kreig-kitts]

I’ve known churches that treat volunteers poorly, such as by putting them on events without asking if they’re available (let alone want to play at it). Other events are similar. Often volunteers, musical and otherwise, can be taken for granted and treated a bit like indentured servants.

I only play harp at churches a few times a year and only if I really like the church (or its music director), since I have to rent a vehicle to move my harp. I’ve played in church more frequently on the flute (the irony, I know) and viola. But regardless, a bit of a backbone is necessary to say when a request isn’t feasible or reasonable. In your first case it’s perfectly reasonable to say that you need the time to practice the pieces and won’t be able to play with that short a notice. In the second, if that arises again, I’d suggest contacting the music minister (by phone so he or she can’t play the “didn’t see your email” game) and say that you need to follow-up, and that if you don’t hear back on the arrangements by a given date, you won’t be able to play the event but are happy to recommend some professional harpists he might contact (if there are no professional harpists in your area, then end the sentence at “won’t be able to play”. They’ll get their acts together or they won’t get you to play for them.

If you’re a good friend of the couple and wish to do this for them, hopefully they’ll be understanding when you say that you can’t do XYZ. Use your amateur status to your advantage and say “I won’t be able to learn that music in time, but here is what I already know and can play”. If they throw a fit, it won’t be the first time a self-obsessed bride or groom has hurt a friendship in an attack of My Special Day Syndrome. Ask 90% of women who were maid of honor at their best friend’s wedding. If you don’t know them and are just playing the wedding because you go to the church or want to get more experience, don’t. Weddings are too emotional and stressful for those involved. There is no constitutional right to live music at a wedding, so they can hire someone, find a friend or relative to take advantage of, or walk down the aisle to silence. It’s not your problem and it’s not worth it.

[Tacye]

I have found a very useful phrase to be ‘I prefer a reputation as a good player to one for being obliging’.

[Sherri Matthew]

Hi Angela,

If you ever want any help getting a recording studio started, seriously (I did mine on a fixed budget over a period of time and stuck to it) I’ll be more than glad to help you. I bought all used equipment and only what I absolutely needed, no sales people involved. Just email me. And if you want help learning to mix and edit, it’s not that bad either. People think it sounds scary, but you learn to play harp, you learn to use your computer, so you can learn to do that too. There’s a learning curve with everything in life! 🙂

My husband is a church organist (professional) and yes, he’s been treated badly over the years. He’s got a nice church now and they love him and treat him well, but he’s got the scars to show for the past. 10 years ago I was a church organist too and that’s why I quit playing live. I had some really nasty experiences and a lot of it had to do with the fact that I was nervous. So I didn’t play well, then people felt the need to come up to me afterwards, let me know in a vicious way, and then I’d be even more nervous the next Sunday. I finally quit playing live altogether. Best thing I ever did for my music. But I greatly admire and respect those musicians who can get out there and play and perform before a live audience, because I sure can’t.

By the way, when I’ve posted my music online, I’ve gotten some pretty nice responses from people. Nice compliments from total strangers halfway around the world. Emails, text messages…. so it makes the work pretty gratifying. You’re still sharing your music, but this time with a global audience. I really enjoy it. Sometimes I get a little tired after working on something for a while and then after uploading it, getting a good response gives me some energy to go work on the next one. So you might be interested in sharing your music that way.

[Angela Biggs]

Kreig, those are some good thoughts. In the first instance (last year), that’s exactly what I did – I told the pastor that given the final line-up, I would not be able to play. It was an agonizing decision, after spending four months working on this one piece, but I did what I had to do. (And aside from the repertoire issue, he also expected me to keep my harp backstage at about 55 degrees or lower – it was FREEZING – and then come right out onto a hot stage under full lighting and play without giving the harp any time to acclimate.. Even if I could have done what he asked, it would have sounded terrible!)

I like your deadline suggestion. I have *another* church-person who’s refusing to be pinned down for a 12/30 performance where I’ll be singing and playing harp; I just gave her a deadline yesterday, telling her that I need final music selections in time to put together a contract and get it signed by 12/16. This person behaved in a similar fashion two years ago, and by the time she got me the music lineup (one week before performance!), I ended up telling her that I was no longer available, and we pushed the performance date back two weeks.. I truly believe that she means well, but there must be limits., so I’m taking your suggestion and trying a hard deadline this time.

I wasn’t clear about the wedding: I’ve done one, and I did get paid. I charged less than I would now, because it was my first one and I’d only been playing for a year, but it was not free. I had a contract and it was still a nightmare., so I established some new policies that I haven’t really had to test yet.

My ability to set and maintain boundaries is very good, but it seems like almost no one I’m working with has any concept of professionalism/reliability/common courtesy, so I have to expend huge amounts of time and energy on those boundaries. I’m a big fan of the mantra, “You teach people how to treat you,” and I am absolutely relieved that insisting on reasonable treatment is at least considered an acceptable industry practice.

Tacye, while looking hard at the possibility of having to quit *another* Christmas performance this year, I came up with something similar. “I play the harp because I love it, not to make other people love me.” Though it’s good to have such a personal understanding, your suggestion is much more diplomatic. Thank you. 🙂

Sherri, thank you for sharing your story! I had gathered that you had been burned, but I didn’t know in what way. Even though I live in a place where most of the music is terrible most of the time, the only person I ever mention it to in specifics is my husband; to go right up to a performer and tell them they did a bad job, or gossip about it and let it get back to them, is just awful. I’m very careful about even offering to teach a clearly untutored singer, because the courage to get up in front of a group is so easily damaged. Good heavens, it’s no wonder you walked away from that! Your experience with posting your music online sounds attractive, and I think I will look into it. When it becomes my new project, I will definitely be in touch with you;. Thank you for offering me the benefit of your experience!

And thank you all for your feedback! I heard back from the Central NY music director yesterday, and have an appointment for a phone conversation with him tonight. It looks like it may still be possible to work something out. I’ll be “sticking to my guns,” and I’ll let you know how it goes. 🙂

[diane-michaels]

Favor gigs are always the ones that seem to place the most unreasonable demands on the generous person who is given his/her services for free. I’m amazed at how much the playing field returns to level with the presence of a contract. A not-so-close friend wants me to play her wedding? I charge her a fraction of my usual fee, write up a contract and if I’m an invited guest, I’ll also get a present. Having a contract without the exchange of money for services rendered can work, too. I think it’s simply that a legal, binding document frames you as a professional and obligates the client to treat you as one. If you clearly state your needs in that contract (deadline for repertoire lists, start and end time, any climate considerations, etc…), you can then be freed from having to bring up problems the client is causing closer to the date, when the client is more likely to be on edge with all of the details of the event.

[Angela Biggs]

Hello again everyone,

I said I’d keep you posted: I did speak with the music director on Monday night, and I will be playing everything I’ve worked on. What my husband helped me write in response was apparently the right thing in whatever manner the director understood it. We had a very cordial conversation, and we’re on the same page now (as far as I know, anyway!). Now if I could just get rid of this cold. 🙂 Thank you all for your feedback, and Merry Christmas!

[Sherri Matthew]

Merry Christmas and best to you too Angela! Hope all works out well for you! 🙂

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