Is there a kind way to terminate a student when the relationship simply isn’t working?

Kathryn Harms is on faculty at Colorado State University, maintains a thriving private harp studio, and performs throughout the southwestern region of the US. 

Every year, I distribute updated studio policies and agreements to all my students. The agreement outlines my expectations for their lesson etiquette, behavior, practice, progress, etc. Each student signs the agreement, and it is apparent that they must abide by it to continue lessons. If a student is not meeting the established expectations, I suggest having a conversation and setting a remediation period for them to address the situation. Be clear that they will be unable to continue taking lessons with you if the situation does not change. You then have concrete and transparent reasons for terminating the relationship should it reach that point. 

If you have concluded that the teacher-student relationship is not working even though the student is meeting all outlined expectations, then another teacher might be a better fit. I suggest that you give your honest opinion and provide them with a list of personalized teacher recommendations. If you have put sincere thought into your suggestions, it is clear that you are acting in their best interest.

Elizabeth Richter retired in 2020 as Professor of Harp at Ball State University after 38 years of service. She maintains a private studio and is on the faculty of the Midwest Harp Festival each summer. 

I believe that the relationship between a teacher and student begins as a working alliance. Ideally, the student and teacher will grow together and develop a warm relationship (sometimes to the point where they regard each other almost as family), but we can’t always expect to mesh our personality with another person’s. Although you may never be the best of friends, if the student is working well and making progress there is no reason to terminate the relationship. Sometimes what appears to be a personality clash may be that the student and the teacher are working toward different goals without realizing it, or that the student does not understand the teacher’s vision of their potential. For this reason, it is important to discuss goals with each student openly and often. However, disrespect or dishonesty should never be tolerated, and the student (and, if a minor, their parents) should be told forthrightly why they are being dismissed. As teachers we should work to cultivate in ourselves empathy, patience, and a sense of humor so that we can more effectively teach the wide variety of students who will come to us for lessons.

Michelle Gott is a dual citizen of the USA and Canada and is a versatile harpist and educator focused on developing new pathways for the harp through interdisciplinary collaborations.

For students and teachers alike, a healthy working relationship relies on constructive communication, compassionate honesty, adaptability to learning styles, and the willingness of both parties to engage fully with the learning process. Provided these elements, a lot can be accomplished. There are situations, however, when the dynamics between the student and teacher are not in harmony. This could be due to personality differences, resistance towards new ideas, habitual tardiness, or frequent lack of preparation for lessons, among other reasons. 

When a student is no longer thriving or if I find myself consistently perplexed as to how I can be helpful, then it is usually best for that relationship to conclude peacefully. I recommend speaking honestly, but not harshly, and offering recommendations for other teachers who might be a better match for the student. That conversation might be difficult to begin, but if it’s done with love, it will be the right thing in the end. •