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Once again, I must thank you all for your thoughtful and passionate responses. Life has been so very busy this last month, which has not allowed much time online, but I will post a quick update, and more later as time allows. I did eventually have a talk with my daughter’s teacher, and happily it has made all the difference in the world. She is teaching the same concepts to the same high standards, but her tone is so much kinder, gentler, more encouraging. My daughter is no longer timid at lesson time, and she seems to be genuinely impressing the teacher with her progress thus far.
And to clarify, we are not looking for training as a professional harpist at this time–just a solid appreciation for and love of music and an instrument as beautiful as the harp.
Thanks again, everyone, for your very kind, very helpful, and heartfelt responses! This is truly a wise and wonderful group.
Biagio, thanks so much for the link to the History of the Harp documentary. As it turns out, my daughter and I watched it together at the end of the summer, shortly before her lessons were to start. Neither of us knew much at all about the history of the instrument or the various styles and traditions of playing. It was a wonderful introduction to the harp!
With all due respect, Saul, I’m not looking for a teacher who will baby my daughter. Rather, I am looking for someone who will nurture my daughter’s budding interest in music and the harp in a kind and encouraging way (as so many here have agreed is important). Frankly, through other activities she participates in, she’s grown accustomed to the idea that learning a new skill takes time, effort, diligence, and most of all hard work. These activities are her choice, and she doesn’t shy away from the hard work. She shies away from hard people (although learning to deal with difficult people is certainly as important a life lesson as hard work–just not sure this is the time and place for that lesson).
Balfour, thank you for inquiring–I did have a bit of a conversation with the teacher at this week’s lesson. My daughter must have looked particularly nervous at the start of the lesson. The teacher noticed and asked about it. It was the perfect opportunity to tell her how my daughter was feeling and why. The lesson did go a little better after that. Here’s hoping things slowly continue to improve.
My apologies, everyone, for not making it clear in the beginning that my daughter is learning lever harp. As far as technique, I’m afraid I don’t know how to answer this question as I’m still so new to the world of harp playing, though I am trying to read and learn as much as I can. I don’t have grand illusions of my daughter becoming a professional concert harpist (neither does she, I’m pretty sure). But I would like to nurture this interest in music, particularly the harp, as best I can. There’s so much life-long joy to be had in music.
I do sincerely thank you all for your thoughtful input and for sharing your personal stories. I have resolved to begin a conversation with the teacher, privately, before the next lesson. We’re generally stick-to-it kind of folk, so I’d like to try to make this work, if at all possible, although I do also plan to take the very sage advice of many here to join the American Folk Harp Society and to keep our options open.
Carl, the issue really is the teacher’s delivery style and tone. Her corrections often come out sounding harsh–for example, a stern, “No, no, NO! We NEVER put our hands like THAT.” Only three lessons in, it sounds (to me) and feels (to my daughter) so discouraging. I can think of so many kinder, gentler, more encouraging ways to get the same point across to a child. Something like, “Ok, that’s a good start. Now try the same thing with your hand a little more like this.” She does also praise my daughter when she does something well (although even the praise does not come across sounding terribly warm and fuzzy). I think most of us adults could easily brush it off, chalk it up to a particular personality style and make the best of it. But to a 9-year-old, such a terse tone can feel quite daunting.
The only way I can think of to begin this conversation with the teacher is to tell her that my normally unflappable daughter is really nervous about coming to her lesson each week because the teacher scares her 🙁
Tacye, I am in the room adjacent to where my daughter is having her lesson. Her teacher made it clear she prefer I’m not in the same room. I can hear everything, and I can see my daughter’s hands at the harp, so I’m comfortable with that arrangement, although it is completely different from her Suzuki piano lessons where the parent is expected to be very involved in the lesson. I’m nearby enough that my daughter is comfortable in the one-on-one situation with the teacher. It’s the teacher’s tone and delivery style that seem to be more of the problem. I confess, I found myself wincing more than a few times at the way the teacher approaches corrections with my daughter. It just sounds like I’m listening to someone who has little affinity for or understanding of children. And that’s fine if that’s the case. It just might mean that it’s not the right learning environment for us in the end.
Biagio, thank you for your insight. I do plan to have a conversation with the teacher soon. It’s tricky, though. I don’t want to sound like I’m telling her how to teach–it’s neither appropriate, nor is it my agenda. I’m guessing this is more of a personality issue, and heaven help me, I’m just not sure how to address that tactfully 🙂
