Q: How do you handle an inebriated guest when playing at a gig?

—Felice Pomeranz, performer, arranger, professor of harp at Berklee College of Music, owner of the Gilded Harps, and AHS Chairman of the Board, Boston, Mass.

Playing as many events as I do, I certainly see my share of strange and bizarre behavior at social and corporate functions. People love the harp, because it is upscale and refined, but the guests are not always elegant or refined, especially after a few drinks. It is a very delicate situation, since you are the entertainer and your guests want to have a good time. You want to please them without jeopardizing your safety or your harp’s safety! Here are some of the tips I’ve learned over the years:

Use humor when a drunk guest tries to help move your harp. I always tell them that I have a one-beer or alcoholic drink maximum to help move the harp, and thank them for their kindness, but tell them I am “all set!”

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If the tipsy guest wants to play your harp, then you can either let them play one note or a quick glissando (drink must be placed away from the harp), or you can sweetly tell them you have a “no touch” policy for the harp. You can extend that “no touch” policy to the harpist if they are making advances!

If you take a break and are concerned about inebriated guests trying to play your harp, you can put a “do not touch” sign on your stand or have a sideman or staff member watch your instrument. You can even put the cover on your harp if you are alone.

A recent political function I played got entirely out of hand and people were so drunk they were fighting in the elevator. I quickly summoned the general manager of the property, packed my harp and quietly exited through the service elevator. Fortunately, my playing time was finished. When I was safely in my car, I emailed the client thanking him for a lovely evening and that he could mail my payment when it was convenient. I received a very nice note, my payment, and a sizable gratuity for my effort. I hope I am not invited to play for him again!

—Felice Pomeranz

Barbara Kraichy, professional freelance harpist and original member of the Naples Harp Ensemble, Bonita Springs, Fla.

In my career as a professional harpist, there are two incidents with inebriated guests that stand out. Both were in Las Vegas when I was “the mermaid” harpist at the Dome of the Sea Restaurant in the Dunes Hotel.

At this job, I performed on a boat that floated on a pond in the restaurant. One evening, an inebriated man decided he wanted to take a ride with the mermaid. He grabbed onto the harp while I was floating in the pond. I wrapped my legs around the harp to keep it from falling into the pond and screamed. The security guards came running and grabbed the guy’s feet. We all went around in a circle while shocked diners watched. Eventually, I got the remote control to stop the boat and the security guards pried the guy loose and dragged him out of the restaurant.

The second incident was when a famous celebrity (I won’t mention names) was sitting at a large table with several guests drinking rounds of drinks and eventually eating. The celebrity threw a lobster shell at me and said “Here, mermaid, catch!” Once I was able to dock the boat, I took the lobster shell and went up to his table and said, “Here, I think you need this worse than I do,” and walked away. His guests thought it was a big joke—only in Las Vegas!

My advice? Stay calm, try to ignore the guest, and if necessary, get someone to help you bring it to the attention of the staff or host. If the person isn’t too inebriated, you could say, “I really appreciate your interest in the harp. Here, let me help you sit down so you can really enjoy it.” If you’re in an establishment like The Dunes, just protect your harp until security can take care of the situation.

—Barbara Kraichy

Darhon Rees-Rohrbacher, harpist, vocalist, pianist, arranger, and higher education teacher, Albany, N.Y.

Dealing with an individual who is “in his cups” at a gig is always an interesting experience. Over the years, I’ve witnessed bombed brides, greased grooms, guzzled guests, hobbled hosts, schnockered siblings, undulating uncles, curdled cousins, muddled mothers, and even potted priests. In fact, I’ve seen it so often that I am wondering if it’s possible to have a reception of any kind without somebody flying three sheets to the wind!

When inebriated people act up at gigs, I have an appropriate response ready. If they use the harp as an armrest, then I smile and say, “Excuse me ma’am, but this is a $20,000 instrument. Please don’t use it as an armrest unless you want to pay for the damages.” They always move away when I say this! If they fumigate the air with their breath, then I offer them a breath mint and make sure I don’t light a match in their vicinity. If they drool all over the harp, then I always carry tissue packs and hand sanitizer with me just for this purpose. If they belch loudly without shame, then I offer them another breath mint—or maybe two. If they trip over the power cords for the amplifier, then I bring along duct tape and tape down any stray cords. If they make advances at the harpist or ask for a date, then I flash my wedding band in their face. If they persist I say, “Sorry, but I am already in a committed relationship,” and I wave them away with my ringed finger. Fortunately, I’ve finally become “a woman of a certain age,” so I rarely get hit on these days. And if they make stupid or inappropriate comments, then I laugh out loud heartily and keep playing. They usually get the idea and walk away.

Most of the time, however, I do my best to just ignore them and view the situation as entertainment value at the gig. It is actually more fun than going out to hear a stand-up comedian—and I get paid for doing it! •

—Darhon Rees-Rohrbacher